Notes
Listen to this episode on Youtube
In this episode, I share seven ways you can begin to heal from sexual repression. Healing is a journey that requires determination, patience with yourself, and support from others. The following timestamps have been placed below for your convenience.
Chapters:
- 00:00 Preparation
- 01:51 Intro music
- 02:13 1. Love your body
- 07:10 2. Engage in creative activities
- 09:10 3. Explore what was taboo and forbidden
- 13:07 4. Explore your body sexually
- 15:00 5. Flirt with the opposite sex
- 18:38 6. Have sex with empathetic and reciprocal people
- 22:35 7. Protect your body and your heart
- 25:30 Outro and music
Transcript
What’s up, good people?
This is your host, Neil Rio, and this is the Apostate Apple broadcast.
Today we’re following up with our talk about sexual repression.
And in this broadcast, I’ll be sharing seven steps to heal from sexual repression.
Now, here’s a few things you need to understand before we get into this list here.
It’s important to identify where these sexual repressive ideas came from.
Now, I mentioned a lot of them, the origins of them in my last broadcast, but it’s good to know the origins of where things came from.
In the cases of rape and molestation, you should invest in a good psychotherapist or a sex therapist as well.
If you can’t afford therapy, you can always read books and articles online and watch YouTube videos on the subject.
It’s important to be kind to yourself throughout this process.
Don’t judge yourself for your sexual appetites.
You may think that you’re homosexual, you may think you might be trans or whatever, but it’s important to accept your sexuality and any kinks and fetishes you may have about yourself.
Okay?
You may think it’s weird, or you may think I would encourage you to type it in online and see if somebody else is involved in that.
But most people are the same.
We just have to find our category and our group.
So you’re not alone.
Start slow, but keep moving and never give up, okay?
Your sexuality is very important.
It’s a part of you.
So you need to get that back up and running properly.
Be patient with yourself.
Healing takes time.
With that said, let’s get right into it.
But before we do that, okay, we’re back.
So let’s get into this list here.
Number one.
Start loving yourself and your body.
Because of sexual repression, you may have a negative view of your body.
And so it’s important to start to love your body.
So first thing you can do is just start respecting yourself and accepting yourself as you are.
Your body type, your hair, your skin tone.
Start to love yourself.
So that means to eat right, take baths and showers, have some good hygiene exercise.
You’re just trying to love yourself and saying, my body is missing.
My body, I love it, I’m going to take care of it.
I’m not going to feel bad about it.
I’m not going to look at it as something that is unworthy.
You’re now saying, I am worthy.
So now you’re going to be taking care of your body.
Another thing you can do is get used to looking at yourself naked.
All right?
So once you get out the shower, maybe you sleep naked, get up and walk around naked.
Walk around your apartment or your house naked, privately if you’re married and that’s what you all want to do, you all both can do that.
You can walk around, but it’s just getting used to you looking at your own body and accepting it.
I don’t care what size you are, or if you’re skinny or fat or whatever.
These are all suggestions, by the way.
You can choose what works for you, what’s comfortable for you, but these are ways of returning back to us a normal state of sexuality.
Another thing you can do is to wear expressive clothing.
This could be you start to dress the way you want to dress, instead of from a conservative perspective.
Maybe you start to buy clothes that really express who you are.
But the other way of looking at this is you wear clothes that are form fitting, that support and highlight your features.
So if you’re a woman with large breasts, you could start wearing low cut tops.
If you got a large behind or some thick thighs, or you got a nice stomach, or you got a nice neck in the back or legs, you can emphasize that by different clothing.
Okay?
Men as well.
If you got broad shoulders, you can wear start wearing suits and you got muscles.
It doesn’t matter.
And I want to be clear, you don’t have to have this great physique or whatever.
And once again, like I said before in my last broadcast, there are people online on Instagram right now because they’re sexually confident and they’ve decided to love themselves.
They got tons of followers, they got tons of people interested in them, tons of people sexually desiring them, and they don’t necessarily fit the standard of beauty, but it’s the internal person that people are feeling.
It’s that spirit within them that is confident enough to get on Instagram and to say, this is who I am.
I like what I look like, and you’re going to accept it.
And so it doesn’t matter your size, it doesn’t matter your skin tone, hair texture, whatever.
All right, you can wear cologne and perfume.
That’s an addition to your body.
You’re emphasizing how you smell.
Now you’re getting into colognes and perfumes and stuff.
Get your hair cut as a man or as a woman.
Get your hair done.
Start loving yourself and how you look and get hairstyles and things like that.
This is all about loving yourself.
Next thing you can do is pamper yourself.
So get a massage here and there.
Massages are really good, not just for making you feel good, but also moving around different energy in your body that might be stagnant.
It’s a real health thing, and a lot of people should be getting massages because it’s a real health thing.
It should be a part of your weekly routine, I would say, or monthly routine.
Wine and dine yourself.
Pick a time every month or every week or whenever you feel to take yourself out.
If you’re not if you don’t have a partner, and just go out there and go to the best restaurant that you like.
If you like restaurants and treat yourself, buy yourself flowers for no occasion other than you love yourself.
Okay?
Anybody listening to this that come from religion will hear this man is freaking lovers of self rather than lovers of God and all of that.
Well, you’re going to have to let go of all of that.
You should love yourself.
So this is a very important thing that you should be doing.
And I buy myself flowers.
Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel sexy and comfortable in your own skin, all right?
That’s the first thing.
Start loving yourself in your body.
Number two on the list here is to engage in creative activities.
Creative and sexual energy come from the same place.
You can cultivate one and it will stimulate the other, right?
So for women, you can try belly dancing.
It’s very sexual and it opens you up as a woman and gets you back in tune with your sexuality.
Once again, these are all suggestions, but they work, okay?
For men and women, you can try salsa dancing, which is also a sexual dance, all right?
And it requires both men and women to play their part.
A man leading, the woman following.
Say, this is how sex works.
And so now you’re doing that through dance.
You can express yourself through art.
So you can paint.
You ain’t got to be a painter.
You ain’t got to be some grandiose person.
Just get an easel, get some paints, and start just creating something.
Don’t matter what it is.
Just create something.
You can also go to a Sculpting class, make you some bowls and some vibes for your flowers that you go by yourself.
Dancing.
As I mentioned earlier, you don’t even have to be salsa dancing.
You can just hip hop dancing or break dancing, anything that makes you feel good and active, where you’re moving your hips and you’re alive.
Singing.
If you used to sing, if you can’t sing, sing.
These are all suggestions, okay?
But they open you up your creativity.
Write a song if you want.
Write some poetry.
Write down how you feel about sex and what you want to see what your sexual desires are.
Let’s say that journal about your sexual experiences.
Start journaling about your journey from being sexually repressed to now.
And keep a log of that, okay?
Number three, explore that which was forbidden or taboo.
So in church, they told you you couldn’t do a lot of stuff, but go to the strip club as a man or as a woman.
Just go.
You used to think that was taboo, and you can’t do that.
That’s wrong.
Just go in there, sit down, and have a good time.
You ain’t got to get no lap dance.
Just go in there.
It’s sexual in there.
Start going places where you felt like it was so uncomfortable.
Get past your comfort zone and just come in there and sit down.
You see?
Now, if you feel like you’re homosexual or you feel like you’re part of the LGBT community, visit some of their communities.
Visit some of their rallies.
Find out where they’re located in your city or state and start hanging out with those people.
If you think you’re part of that community.
Once again, I was taboo.
Anytime the Christians show up at a rally, it was the protest against the homosexual community.
So now you’re in the parade.
That’s what you into.
That’s what you’re into.
All right.
Explore a sex store.
You can go to Adam and Eve.
I know they have those in this state.
It might be another brand company that sells sex toys and a lot of sex related products and stuff like that.
Go in there and just explore what they have.
You ain’t got to buy nothing.
Look at the erotic material that they have.
The toys, the ornaments and things you could buy or something like that.
Watch erotic movies.
Once again, you were told you couldn’t do this.
Now you’re exploring everything.
This is going to be fun.
All right, watch p***.
Erotic movies are different from p***.
Look at both of them.
And while you’re there, learn the difference between erotica and p***.
Listen to erotic songs.
All those songs your mother told you you couldn’t listen to.
Pull them up.
All those songs about sex, pull them up and start listening to them.
Listen to erotic podcasts.
There are podcasts out there that talk about sex a lot.
They may be talking about different sex positions.
They may be telling stories that are arousing.
Listen to that stuff, okay?
You’re just trying to get back into sex the way it should be.
All right?
Read erotica.
There are websites you can do a search for stories where they just tell us an erotic story.
If somebody met somebody, then they did this, they did that.
They were having sex.
They did this.
I’ve read some of those blogs.
I used to every now and then, check out what was on there.
So there’s tons of websites out there that have erotic stories that you can read.
And just to see that sex is just a normal part of life.
It’s no different from eating and walking.
It’s what we do as human beings.
There’s nothing wrong with it.
Read material on how to have better sex or be better at sex.
I have several books on sex.
I got the kamasutra.
I got another book called the kunyatsa, which is all about the female pleasure.
I have a book about the holy o*****.
I forget the name of it directly, but these are things that you can explore and look into by sensual artwork if you want to go that far.
Okay?
Or figurines or ornaments and posters and prints.
I have a poster on my wall of the kamasutra.
They got 50 different sex poses on that poster.
They’re mostly stick figure, but it’s it’s just a way for me to see this is normal.
That’s what you can do.
Begin to explore what is taboo.
All right, number four.
Explore yourself and learn your body.
So now we’re getting into masturbation.
You’re not necessarily with anybody.
This is just you.
You have to do this by yourself, okay?
You’re going to deal with a partner later on, but for right now, begin to m*********.
Learn to pleasure yourself.
Figure out what makes you feel good, okay?
If you went to that sex shop like I suggested, you might have bought some sex toys.
By the way, all this is for men and women, by the way.
So there are sex toys for men.
There’s like something called the Flesh light.
There’s things that will stimulate the prostate in the man.
For women.
There’s tons of vibrators out there and d***** and creams that stimulate the c*******.
It’s a lot of stuff out there.
You can get a lot of stuff from these sex shops like Adam and Eve and places like that.
And while you’re doing this, you’re just getting in tune with yourself.
Pay attention to what you like and how you feel, okay?
Just stay in the moment.
Be in the moment.
Focus on how you feel.
You don’t want to be thinking about the future, the past, or anything, or this is silly.
No, this is about you pleasuring yourself, making sure you find what is appropriate for you, what makes you feel good.
This is what you’re doing, all right?
And you’ll find yourself having a good old time just with yourself.
You are your first sexual partner, and you should be in tune with that person before you have sex with somebody else.
And also encourage you to m********* without pornography.
So p*** can be very arousing, and it leads you to m*********, but it’s important to also m********* without pornography so that you can get into your own mind, in your own body, and connect and stimulate yourself that way.
All right, number five, flirt with the opposite sex.
This is now where you’re beginning to connect with somebody to have sex.
So when you’re out and about, now that you got your clothing on, you got your cologne on, your perfume on, you looking a little better now, you’re loving yourself, you feel good about yourself.
You may catch somebody’s eye, and they may catch your eye.
Take it in.
Take that in.
Take in those attractive people that you see.
Don’t be acting like you can’t see them.
Take a look at them smile.
You ain’t got to stare, but just okay.
Ain’t nothing wrong with what I’m doing.
I see an attractive person, or they see an attractive person, they’re looking at me.
Be happy about it.
Enjoy that.
Now, when you see something mutual happening, when you’re both looking at each other, take that in.
Enjoy that moment.
Hold your eye contact.
Smile and say, this is to yourself.
This is okay.
We’re human beings.
We found each other to be attractive.
And then from there, if you want to get closer, if you all start talking, flirt and enjoy the connection.
It allows you to both determine if you’re interested in having sexual relations.
So as a man, you could be saying things that may open up the door for her to reveal if she’s with somebody or if she’s available for sex or if she wants to have sex.
You can talk about what type of sex position she’s interested in.
You can set up a date, and this is what you’ll do on that date.
You’ll be flirting and discussing what you went to what you want to do.
And this is what flirting is about, is communication prior to sex, basically to see if there’s a connection there beyond just the other things.
So men, be honest about your intentions.
If you want to have sex with this woman, just say so, okay?
A lot of men want to beat around the bush and talk about everything else but sex, but let her know, look, I want to have sex with you.
I want to bury my face between those fat thighs of yours.
I want to clap them cheeks.
Okay?
Now, a little bit about flirting.
What I just said was a very direct, ahead of time.
You want to kind of just ease in.
You might want to give her compliments about her body or whatever and see how she takes it.
If she’s smiling and allowing that kind of conversation to keep happening, you can continue to escalate and talk about what you want to do sexually to her.
Okay?
You’re not going to get me too from a woman that wants to have sex with you.
You just got to make sure that she’s interested, and you will know that by her responses as you escalate in the flirting.
All right?
And women, you can do the same thing.
And ladies, you need to be honest about it as well.
Some women like the flirting but don’t necessarily want to take it that far sexually with the man.
So it’s important that you kind of be honest that, hey, this ain’t going to go no further than that.
And so you might want to cut it off at some point.
And don’t lead the man on to thinking that he’s going to get something or that you giving him your number or you taking his number means that this is going to lead to something extra when you have no intention of doing that.
So it’s important to be honest because we don’t want to hurt each other’s feelings.
We don’t want to leave people longer or waste each other’s time.
Okay, be empathetic basically towards the opposite sex.
Number six, have sex with empathetic and reciprocal people.
All right, so now you was flirting.
You all got a connection, and maybe all of this was with your already current partner.
You’re just opening up sexually now from sexual repression.
Maybe you both were sexually repressed from church, and you’re a married couple and you were flirting and all of this stuff now it’s time to connect sexually.
So it’s important to always communicate your sexual desires with your partner before and after sex.
So before, like I said, that flirting.
Were you talking about what you want to do to that person or what you want done to you?
It’s important to be talking about that.
Any safe words you may want to bring up so that if it gets intense that the other person knows that they can say something to kind of pause the session.
What’s your safe word?
If this gets really intense or something and you want to get out of it or something, it’s important to talk about it.
It’s important to talk about sex after the fact as well.
So after sex is important to say, hey, anything I can do better on?
Or if you’re in a relationship, it’s important to have a conversation about the performance and how you guys had sex.
You don’t want to be repeating the things that are not working for each other.
Now, when you’re talking about your desires prior to sex, this is really a turn on for most people because it shows assertiveness and confidence.
It says, I know what I want and when somebody is talking to me, like a lady talking to me and tell me what she want to do to me and what she wants to receive from me, that’s arousing that’s part of flirting and that’s Floorplay.
And so it’s important to have that already in place.
And of course I’m doing the same thing, and women get turned on by that.
All right?
So you got to flirt.
You got to communicate.
You can’t just have sex and not know what the other person likes.
You got to have a conversation.
Okay?
Explore different sex acts and positions with your partner.
Be spontaneous.
You can buy sex games that will spice up your sex life.
Role play.
Include another person if you’re advanced.
So now you got a third thing going on there.
You could visit the orgy if you want, however you want to get down, but you have to be advanced.
I’m not telling you to jump into this right after you just realized you was sex with your press, but this is some advanced stuff here.
But back to what’s really, really important.
Be sensual and connect with your partner, okay?
A lot of people, especially when they get raped, they tend to lose their connection with themselves.
So anytime they do have sex, they tend to leave their body and kind of watch their body have sex.
And that’s not how you supposed to experience sex.
You supposed to be present in your body, feeling everything.
And so it’s important to always have sex with people that are empathetic and reciprocal.
So if your partner isn’t that way, you need to find somebody who is.
All right, so there must be a lot of close eye contact, a lot of touching, a lot of holding, a lot of care, a lot of feeling around, a lot of listening to your partner.
If she’s saying something to, hey, this hurts, or this is not comfortable, you need to stop and you need to change positions or whatever, but communicate and listen to each other when you all have sex, all right?
And once again, live in the moment.
Sex is about living in the moment.
Life is about living in the moment.
Stay in the present.
Don’t be thinking about the future, the past, what the other person thinks of you.
Get your confidence together and just get down and get in there and express yourself sexually and enjoy yourself.
Get in there and enjoy that woman’s body if you’re a man.
And ladies, enjoy that man.
So finally, number seven here is to protect your body and your heart, all right?
So it’s important that you may not just be with your partner, you may be with somebody outside you’re not married to or you’re somebody who just friends with or f*** with you or whatever communication that you got going on with them or level of relationship you’re with.
But wear sexual protection.
Make sure you got condoms, all right?
Get an STI or STD.
Check up Every three months from your doctor.
So every 90 days, speak with your doctor, get your blood test.
That way you just stay clean.
It’s important that you Stay On it, but to never go to the doctor to check up something unless you start feeling some type of way is not A Good idea, especially if you out here having a lot of sex, because people carry stuff.
So it’s important to always stay on it.
But of course, like I said, you’re wearing protection now.
You got to protect your heart out here, your heart, because you’re going to now be having A lot of sex and maybe be drawn a lot of men to you ladies, or as a man, you’re drawing a lot of women to you.
They’re going to be haters out there.
They’re going to be envious.
People who don’t like that you’re getting a lot of sex, okay?
There may be people that are sexually repressed who look at you as if you’re The Scum Of The earth, okay, ladies, you Might Get called a hole by some church woman or some lady who thinks sex a woman who has a lot of sex is somehow A bad person.
You have to be prepared for that and perhaps just stay away from circles that are judgmental.
And as a man, you can’t hang around men who are envious of your Sexual prowess and your ability to go out and get women, okay, because they don’t Try To Undermine you and stop you from having A good time.
These women ain’t doing Nothing wrong, and you ain’t doing Nothing wrong.
It’s them and Their self esteem issues and their lack of courage and whatever issues they got them in a condition where they’re not attracting women and having sex on a regular basis, so that’s their issue.
But you got to protect yourself out here and finally remember that there are people out here that only want to use you for sex and they have no intention of anything else.
And you just have to keep that in mind that you’re not going to be able to get all your needs met by this person that you’re having sex.
The sex might be great, but they just may not be a good fit for you socially.
And so you can’t get caught up with needing love from them.
So that’s something to keep in mind when you have sex.
Just keep it at that.
And if they want to take it further and they say, hey, I want more from you, and that’s what you want, then good, that’s fine.
But don’t go out here expecting to get more out of a sexual relationship, all right?
Because that’s just not how it works.
That’s it.
That’s all I got for you guys.
Hope that helps.
I’ll have these notes written up in the broadcast notes so that you can look at them.
Until next time, like and share, subscribe, leave a comment, email me at [email protected] I appreciate you guys for listening and have a good day.